A Mustache

MUSTACHE INSTITUTE BACKS GIAMBI

'POWERFUL LIP FUR' MAKES YANKEE WORTH ALL-STAR SPOT

POST STAFF REPORT

Last updated: 6:53 pm
July 7, 2008
Posted: 6:01 pm
July 7, 2008

"Giambi's significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur -- indicating great intellect and good looks -- make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster."

http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/

August 5, 2008

Giambi: Hair today, gone tomorrow

"The American Mustache Institute salutes Mr. Giambi and his mustache, for having the bravery to walk proudly down the same lines upon which other great Yankee mustaches have - including Reggie Jackson, Thurman Munson, Don Mattingly, and Sal Fasano. Our hearts and prayers go out to Mr. Giambi, his family, and the Yankees organization. And while we are all gravely disappointed by the passing of Jason’s mustache, no one, or thing, feels a greater loss than his upper lip. The thick coating of fur had become a part of that lip - like peanut butter and jelly - and we can only hope Giambi’s late lip sweater is in a better place. *

*It is important during this time of mourning that we all reflect and understand that every time a mustache is shaved, an angel in heaven dies and falls to earth. And the American Mustache Institute has established a fund in memory of Mr. Giambi’s mustache that will be used to educate young people about the merits of facial hair, circus clowns, and juggling. *

In the end, while the hearts of mustached-Americans everywhere are broken, we must always remind ourselves that a mustache is a terrible thing to shave.

*We look forward to a newly erected monument in the new Yankee Stadium commemorating Giambi’s mustache alongside Ruth, Gehrig, and DiMaggio.*

Yeah, I love mustaches too. Let's just hope they don't end up behind the fridge. They would rule like no other dictator ever! Let's be honest, Mustaches kick serious ass. They would out live most species of cockroaches. And yes. That is a good thing. It is, I swear. And while out living such creatures they would, undoubtedly rule with a very strong will.

Nonetheless, Giambi's mustache was something to respect. Thank you American Mustache Institute for your fantastic press release. You are true gentlemen and scholars. I hope to one day join a local chapter. I promise to promote the growth, care and culture of the mustache.